Charlie Sheen highlights from episode 3 ofTorpedeos of Truth.

Charlie just getting, going, gone: “Now that I have your lazy f-cking attention, world, sit back and rejoice for the mouth of a messiah, the Count of Calabasas, the f-cking warlock of your jealous face sits before you, undigested hummus, trading real estate for this fire dance.”


Charlie on the past women in his life: “Oh how they once begged to attend my perfect banquet in the nude, now they only beg- for the keys to my gold.”

On his guest list for Charlie’s War: “Their names slightly altered to keep their stench from polluting my magic daiquiri.”

Sheen’s Hitlist:
Less-Than Les Goonves: “The promise of getting something yet receiving nothing. In vitro side all the shining pool boys rejoice and line the block around your house. SIZZLE.LOSING.BYE”

“Wow it must really suck being you right now. The pulp of fiction suits you well. Since childhood short, weak, thick glasses, never seen by a goddess, only owned by a bully like a bitch. Sizzle, losing, bye.

“Can you smell your mother’s tears from some distant memory as she scattered her pathetic creation asking all around her why this feeble abortion survived.