Ali Fedotowsky just completed a fun, drama filled run on TV reality show The Bachelorette, and now comes the real drama. Some how, some way, Star Magazine came in to possession of Fedotowsky’s private diary that reads like something ripped from the pages of the Lindsay Lohan playbook.

Almost overdosing, “It was really fun at first,” Ali wrote of her all-night bender fueled by the drug Ecstasy. “I went downstairs to sleep at 4:30 and sat there until 6:30. I was completely freaking out. I really thought I was supposed to die. I really thought I would… I was so scared.”

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Fedotowsky played the super prim and proper girl next door when she finally accepted a ring from contestant Roberto Martinez, but now it would seem she has a very dark past, riddled with heavy drug use. The Star revelation also claims to include pictures of Fedotowsky attached to a water pipe used to smoke marijuana, more commonly known as a bong.

Only time will tell if this is enough digging up bones to put a halt to Fedotowsky’s new found life and love.