EW.com did this amazing blow by blow of Charlie Sheen’s first concert in Detroit. Go there to get more updates.
10:05 — More comments from people leaving early: “I was expecting a comedy show.” “It’s just like hanging out at his house.”
10:03 — The show is now an unmitigated disaster. People are leaving early. Attendee Chris Acchione, who came all the way from Toronto for the show, says, “He’s making a fool of himself. Is there a bigger loser in the world?”
9:50 — The show appears to be almost over. More padding.
9:43 — Sheen tells the audience, “You paid your hard-earned money without knowing what this show was about.” He asks if people have any questions. A girl from the audience asks for his best story. Sheen doesn’t want to tell that one. He’s starts telling a story about getting his car stolen — he says the story involves crack — but nobody wants to hear it.
9:40 — Sheen says he’s going to “Tell some stories about crack. I figured Detroit was a good place to tell some crack stories. Show of hands who here has tried crack? I don’t do crack anymore, but this is a good f—ing night to do some crack.” The audience boos.
9:35 — The show started late and has become a padded and disjointed mess. Currently onstage, an old lame movie starring Johnny Depp is playing. (I think the film is called RPG?) People are booing. Sheen stops the video and says, “Okay, so RPG was a bomb. Tonight is an experiment.” This is a disaster.
9:23 — We are watching video of Charlie Sheen playing Call of Duty.
9:20 — People start booing. Sheen yells, “I already got your money, dude!”
9:18 – “Nothing terrifies a troll more than its own reflection,” Sheen continues, before shifting gears into politics. “In a recent poll, they told me I’d bring down that whore Palin. I don’t have time for that nonsense.” [Read about the poll he’s referring to here.]
9:15 — Nobody understands a word Sheen is saying. “”Is anybody else as confused by this s— as I am?” he finally asks. There are roars from the crowd. “I wrote every word!”
9:13 – Sheen: “They took my awesome children… They took my sometimes bitchin job… And when they thought there was nothing left, they tried to take my titanium heart and brain and spine. But they could not.” It’s all pump-up, no narrative.
9:10 — Sheen’s promises are largely incomprehensible: “Freedom from monkey eyed…sweat-eating whores. Freedom from the dour and sour taste of malignant reproach… I’m a giant and leaky bag of mayhem.”
9:08 — Sheen: “I am finally here to identify and train the Vatican assassin locked inside each and every one of you.”
9:07 — Sheen steps behind a podium that proclaims “Warlock States of Sheen.” A guitarist who looks like Robert Pattinson is playing onstage. Sheen begins talking about his “napalm dripping brain.” “I’m here to solve a portion of this grand mystery,” he says.
9:00 — The attractive singers are now making out onstage. And finally, Charlie Sheen takes the stage. He picks a Two and a Half Men-style shirt off a rack, and puts it on. The audience boos. The Two and a Half Men theme song plays. This is intercut with a scene from a classic film of a man screaming “Turn it off!” Then, Sheen grabs a Detroit Tigers shirt. The crowd roars and gives him a standing ovation. Regarding the Men shirt, Sheen says, “Take that out and burn it.” On video, the attractive singers/ burn the shirt backstage.
8:58 — Now film clips are playing onscreen. Die Hard, Midnight Express, Taxi Driver, Animal House, Sheen’s own Platoon, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and (of course) Apocalypse Now. There’s no context, just the clips. One imagines it’s like being inside Sheen’s head.
8:53 — The show begins with a mock iPhone ad, advertising the “MaSheen.” Afterwards, two very attractive women come onstage to sing the national anthem. “Do it!” one audience member shouts. (They initially appear to be Sheen’s “goddesses,” but a guy next to me says they are “Detroit (censored) stars.” One of them is named Lisa Jax.)
8:32 — That’s weird. The lights have come back up, and the audience is waiting again. Everyone is confused — it’s not clear why the show started and then stopped again. So far, this has the makings of a disaster, the Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark of celebrity stage acts.
8:30 — This is a truly disastrous opening. The comedian has been literally booed off the stage.
8:22 — Here is just a sample of this painful opening act: “Shouldn’t they call the difibrillator a difibra-now?”
8:19 — Sheen himself comes out to defend the comedian, telling the audience to give him a chance. He receives a standing ovation. Sheen says that he’ll be right back out, and exits. The crowd does not sit down until he leaves the stage. The comedian continues his set. Problem: This is a rock concert atmosphere, and nobody wants a stand-up act. They’re here for the warlock.
8:17 — The comedian starts a joke: “I found out exactly how I’m going to die…” Someone in the audience yells, “Yeah, onstage!” Note to comedians: If Charlie Sheen asks you to open for him, say “No.”
8:13 — A comedian who is decisively not Charlie Sheen comes onstage and begins a set. There is some booing from the audience, followed by chanting: “Charlie! Charlie!” The booing gets louder.
7:59 — You cannot walk through the crowd without hearing someone say “Winning.” There are girls wearing tiger-striped pants, and assorted custom Sheen T-shirts. The Midwestern crowd has come from all over, devout followers of the Vatican’s most famous assassin.
7:50 — Outside the theater, Melissa Shovlin and Haley Clark — two young women wearing “Winning” T-shirts (see picture below) — are asked what they expected from the show. “We have no idea,” says Shovlin, “that’s part of the excitement.” Is she concerned about Sheen’s mental state, given his recent tendency towards multimedia outbursts? “Everybody is a little crazy,” she shrugs off. She also notes, “I think in this environment, he’ll be a little more free to jump around like a snake in a chair.”
Jeff Resek, an older attendee from Connecticut, declares that Sheen will use his theatrical performance “to prove he’s completely sober, because he wants to win.” In general, the atmosphere outside is irony-free: People are here because they find Sheen hilarious, because they have always found Sheen hilarious, and because they are officially in support of his “winning” transformation. They are more devoted to Sheen than the media, but they simultaneously are taking him less seriously.
Inside the theater, the program for the evening (which cost $20) features a collection of Sheen’s radio quips — “I’m on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen.” — and pictures of the actor. The T-shirts are selling briskly. A popular one declares “F—ing brilliant!” (It comes with a $30 price tag.
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