Meet the cast of Lifetime‘s newly minted biopic, “The Unauthorized Full House Story,” which promises lots of insights into the real goings on in the making of the popular series.

Garrett Brawith was cast as Bob Saget as Danny Tanner, Dakota Guppy as future drug addict, Jodie Sweetin and Justin Gaston as John Stamos? Uncle Jesse? Please.

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lifetime fullhouse cast photo

Justin Mader plays Dave Coulier but looks more like the guys who services your mom’s soft water conditioner than Alanis Morissette’s ex-boyfriend.