KEVIN FEDERLINE IS A MESS AND NOT EVEN A HOT MESS, JUST A MESS! Why am I yelling? I’m emotional! Come on! This kid used to be a dancer! A top-of-the-game dancer! Now look at him!

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Witnesses to this smelly affair said K-Ked’s hair was matted, and the weave hopeless, the baseball cap accompanied by the shapeless oversized t-shirt, the cankles the dirty colorful deflated kicks, straggly beard and the fly circled stench. All dreadful.

The 35-year-old inventer of popozáo is now a filthy rich by marriage father of five who enjoys fine beer and short walks on the beach followed by an oxygen tent…